THE SYNCREATE PODCAST: EMPOWERING CREATIVITY
HOSTED BY MELINDA ROTHOUSE, PHD
WELCOME TO SYNCREATE, WHERE WE EXPLORE THE INTERSECTIONS BETWEEN CREATIVITY,
PSYCHOLOGY, AND SPIRITUALITY. OUR GOAL IS TO DEMYSTIFY THE CREATIVE PROCESS,
AND EXPAND THE BOUNDARIES OF WHAT IT MEANS TO BE CREATIVE.
SUBSCRIBE / FOLLOW US ON SPOTIFY, APPLE PODCASTS, YOUTUBE
OR WHEREVER YOU GET YOUR PODCASTS
HOSTED BY MELINDA ROTHOUSE, PHD
WELCOME TO SYNCREATE, WHERE WE EXPLORE THE INTERSECTIONS BETWEEN CREATIVITY,
PSYCHOLOGY, AND SPIRITUALITY. OUR GOAL IS TO DEMYSTIFY THE CREATIVE PROCESS,
AND EXPAND THE BOUNDARIES OF WHAT IT MEANS TO BE CREATIVE.
SUBSCRIBE / FOLLOW US ON SPOTIFY, APPLE PODCASTS, YOUTUBE
OR WHEREVER YOU GET YOUR PODCASTS
EPISODE 19: CREATIVITY, SEXUALITY & THE SACRED FEMININE
WITH LEAH SHADWICK, MARIE COMMISSO, AND THAIS BICALHO SILVA
LISTEN TO THE FULL AUDIO EPISODE HERE:
WATCH THE FULL VIDEO VERSION HERE:
For our first full-length episode of 2024, we’re taking things in a more personal direction, as Melinda shares the story of her recent hysterectomy journey, along with her team of women healers, Leah Shadwick, Marie Commisso, and Thais Bicalho Silva. We discuss the connections between creativity, sexuality, the body, and the sacred feminine, as well as womens’ health and healing through creativity, community, and the arts.
Many women deal with a range of reproductive health issues like endometriosis, adenomyosis, fibroids, and menopause symptoms, often in isolation. Even in the 21st Century, women’s health often still feels like a taboo topic, so it’s time to have the conversation. We each share our deeply personal experiences, as well as how we’ve healed and continue to heal, by sharing our stories. May this episode be of benefit to anyone who has a body and seeks information, resources, and solidarity in their journey to health and well-being.
Credits: The Syncreate podcast is created and hosted by Melinda Rothouse, and produced at Record ATX studios with in collaboration Michael Osborne and 14th Street Studios in Austin, Texas. Syncreate logo design by Dreux Carpenter.
If you enjoy this episode and want to learn more about the creative process, you might also like our conversations in Episode 2: Embodiment and Creativity with Thais Bicalho Silva, Episode 4: Stewarding Change with Wellness Coach and Personal Trainer Reem Khashou, and Episode 8: Grief, Healing, and the Artist’s Life with Anne Myers Cleary.
The Syncreate Podcast is now on Patreon. We’d love your support in continuing to grow the podcast and our Syncreate community. For a small monthly contribution, you’ll receive exclusive content and access, including previews of upcoming episodes, monthly calls with Melinda and more.
Many women deal with a range of reproductive health issues like endometriosis, adenomyosis, fibroids, and menopause symptoms, often in isolation. Even in the 21st Century, women’s health often still feels like a taboo topic, so it’s time to have the conversation. We each share our deeply personal experiences, as well as how we’ve healed and continue to heal, by sharing our stories. May this episode be of benefit to anyone who has a body and seeks information, resources, and solidarity in their journey to health and well-being.
Credits: The Syncreate podcast is created and hosted by Melinda Rothouse, and produced at Record ATX studios with in collaboration Michael Osborne and 14th Street Studios in Austin, Texas. Syncreate logo design by Dreux Carpenter.
If you enjoy this episode and want to learn more about the creative process, you might also like our conversations in Episode 2: Embodiment and Creativity with Thais Bicalho Silva, Episode 4: Stewarding Change with Wellness Coach and Personal Trainer Reem Khashou, and Episode 8: Grief, Healing, and the Artist’s Life with Anne Myers Cleary.
The Syncreate Podcast is now on Patreon. We’d love your support in continuing to grow the podcast and our Syncreate community. For a small monthly contribution, you’ll receive exclusive content and access, including previews of upcoming episodes, monthly calls with Melinda and more.
EPISODE VIDEO CLIP: CREATIVITY FOR HEALING
EPISODE-SPECIFIC HYPERLINKS:
Leah Shadwick / Bird’s Nest Acupuncture
Marie Commisso Healing Website
Mayoli Movement - Thais Bicalho Silva’s Physical Therapy and Feldenkrais Practice
Book: Women’s Bodies, Women’s Wisdom by Christiane Northrup, M.D.
Austin-Area OB/GYN
Marie Commisso Healing Website
Mayoli Movement - Thais Bicalho Silva’s Physical Therapy and Feldenkrais Practice
Book: Women’s Bodies, Women’s Wisdom by Christiane Northrup, M.D.
Austin-Area OB/GYN
EPISODE TRANSCRIPT:
Melinda: Welcome to Syncreate, a show where we explore the intersections between creativity, psychology and spirituality. Our goal is to demystify the creative process and expand the boundaries of what it means to be creative. I'm Melinda Rothouse, and I help individuals and organizations bring their creative dreams and visions to life.
And just before we get started today, I wanted to let you all know that we are on Patreon, so if you're enjoying the show and you want to help us grow and support the effort, this is kind of my personal gift to the world. We don't run commercials or anything like that. So if you'd like to support us, find us on Patreon.
So today what we're doing is a little bit different than anything we've done before on the show. We have three wonderful guests today, whom I'll introduce in just a moment. And you know, this episode is much more personal to me. I'm going to talk a lot more about my personal journey related to one aspect of my own creativity and how each of you have so amazingly supported me in this journey.
So to kind of just give you some context here: So creativity is what I live and breathe, it's what I'm all about. And for years I struggled with a condition called Adenomyosis, which is a gynecological condition that affects your uterus and makes it enlarged. I had several fibroids, painful periods most of my life, a lot of discomfort, and it was suggested to me some years ago that the only cure for this condition was a hysterectomy.
And, you know, I was very hesitant to do surgery for several reasons. Just number one, bodily integrity. You know, I felt like I wanted to keep myself intact, on a physical level. But also, you know, I'm a big believer in sort-of the energy of creativity, how creativity lives in our body, how it's connected to our life force energy, our sexuality. In the chakra system, the second chakra, that pelvic space is connected to our creativity.
So my biggest fear, which wasn't a rational fear, but it was a visceral fear, like I could feel it in my body, was that if I lost my womb, I would lose my creativity. And I remember many tears, probably with each of you, about that. So what I discovered along the way, in talking with each of you, and a number of other women, is that the more I started to share my story, the more I started to hear all these other people's stories and their struggles and their experiences: “Oh, I had to do that” and “Oh Yeah, that happened to me.” And you know, each story is unique, but there's such a commonality.
And then I started to think, why is this a taboo topic? We’re in the 21st century, you know, why don't we have these conversations more? And so I thought, let's have the conversation here.
So briefly to introduce each of you: Across from me, we have Marie Commisso, massage therapist and healer extraordinaire, originally from upstate New York, now living in the Austin area, in Wimberley, Texas. And definitely want to hear more of your journey as we go on today.
Marie: Absolutely.
Melinda: Yes. And then next to Marie, we have Leah Shadwick. She's an acupuncturist, practicing alchemical acupuncture and transformative healing, originally from New York City. And you came here to Austin to study acupuncture at the Academy of Oriental Medicine. And you've been here ever since.
Leah: I was gonna say, never left. Yeah, yeah.
Melinda: Yeah, yeah. So and then we have Thais Bicalho Silva, a physical therapist and Feldenkrais practitioner. You're originally from Brazil and now in Austin for a number of years. So I consider you all part of my core healing and wellness team.
[Murmurs]
Marie: Thank you.
Melinda: You know, I’ve been working with each of you for a while now and particularly, you know, once I made the decision to go ahead and have this surgery, you all have been incredibly helpful and supportive to me in sharing your own experiences, and your wisdom, in working with clients and patients. And it's just been really such a blessing to me to have each of you.
So I want to hear a little bit more about each of your relationship to this topic around creativity, women's health, the body, the sacred feminine, sexuality, you know, all of these things, which I think are really interconnected. So I want to start with Leah, because I've known you the longest and I've been working with the longest and just, you know, tell us a little bit more about, you know, your connection to this topic.
Leah: Well, I think my connection to this topic is just my own personal ,very long journey of hormonal rollercoaster, ever since I can remember. I feel like growing up, I just don't ever remember having a great period or cycle or even a relationship to my cycle. And even in my twenties, like painful periods and bad PMS. And then, you know, when I tried to have my son and through my fertility, I found out through one of my teachers, who was an acupuncturist and Chinese medical practitioner, through basal body temperature, that I had these fibroids.
And I was like, how come a gynecologist never told me about these fibroids? I mean, I had the symptoms: I had painful periods, I had PMS, I had heavy bleeding, like bleeding through my pants, you know, and yeah, when once I discovered that, I kind of started this journey for me about like, how am I going to heal these fibroids so that I could birth my son?
And I did acupuncture and herbs and nutrition, and lots of acupuncture, and healing, and talk therapy. I mean, all the healing modalities. And it took me about a year and I finally did get pregnant with him. And I actually, in the midst of that experience, had a very spiritual experience because it was hard for me to get pregnant. It took about a year and I was like, I have all these tools. How come I can't get pregnant? I don't understand what's happening? And I remember going to a fertility doctor and she was like, oh these fibroids, like, you're not going to be able to get pregnant.
And within my family, my greatest aunt is, she's a healer. But she didn't actually, like practice healing, just within her spirituality in Puerto Rico. And she was just known within her community for doing healing with hands. And my mom was saying, she was like, “I think we have to go visit you aunt in Florida, and let's just go see her.” She was like, she must've been like 99, if not over 100, link in this nursing home, not talking. You know, she couldn't really talk.
So we gathered there with my family and like, talk about community. We gathered there. We all held hands. She put her hands on my belly. She like, prayed to herself. And I got pregnant right after that.
Melinda: That is incredible.
Marie? Yeah. So real. [Murmurs]
Leah: Yeah. It was a really incredible experience. And I think just even being there with my family, and community, and belief, and support ,when so many people are like, well, these fibroids are in the way, you know, like you're not going to be, you know, it's not going to happen.
And I'm trying to be brief, but, you know, fast forward, the fibroids grew with my pregnancy and they were in the way. And I had to have a scheduled C-section and that recovery was not fun. And I honestly was like, I don't know if I could have another one after that experience.
But, you know, they kind of calmed down and now they've come back as I'm more in this perimenopausal time. And you know, I think I feel a little fatigued by it because I'm like, I can't believe I have to go through this process again.
But it is making me think about like, perimenopausally. Like what am I trying to birth next? In my own creativity. What is trying to come through? What am I blocking? How is that related to my feelings, my emotions, my spirituality, who I am and what I need to be in this kind of next phase of my life.
Melinda: Yeah, it's beautiful. And I know there's so much more with your healing work, with your, you know, clients and patients, and hopefully we'll get to hear a little bit more about that as well.
Leah: Yeah, it's beautiful being able to work with women and see them on their healing journey and it's amazing, even working with women's health, it's like once you start to dive in, everyone has a story or a trauma or an experience linked to their reproductive system.
Melinda: Yeah. So I want to move next to Marie - you and I connected a few years ago through a mutual friend and just really hit it off. And I started coming to see you for massage and energy work. And you really helped me through a major transition time in my life a couple years ago.
And we've just become great friends. And so, you know, one of the things that really sticks out to me when I was contemplating the surgery, that you had been through it, and so you were really able to help me kind of see what the process might be like. And your story is a bit different from mine.
Marie: Yeah.
Melinda: I'd love to hear, you know, what you want to share about that, but it was really helpful, you know, to me to have somebody so close who had gone through it and is now thriving and doing wonderfully well.
Marie: Thank you. It is a process and everyone's different.
Melinda: It’s not easy. Yeah. So what do you what's your connection here?
Marie: Yeah, it's hard to know where to start because there's so many layers to it. Because there's the physical portion, the emotional portion, and then the spiritual connection to all of it. And I could relate to so many things that you're saying [Leah]. So even already it feels healing to be here. Yes. Because, you know, I've physically healed, but there are definitely still elements that aren't, you know, completely healed. So yeah, thank you.
And of part of the whole journey for me was I ended up having to have an emergency hysterectomy. I had fibroids in my uterus, three of them. One, the legs ended up growing into the artery. And I essentially was bleeding out, and in and everywhere, and so I was emotionally taken to the hospital and the next day. So we were trying to control it as much as possible. But the next day, and first thing in the morning, I ended up having a hysterectomy.
And at that time or by that time, I had been trying all the things, all the acupuncture, all the herbs, all the everything. I had been married before and I was trying to get pregnant and that was not in the cards for me. And then I got really angry during this time too, because I was like, “Oh, uterus, the only thing you're making is fibroids, ugh!” And so and that's part of the grief process, you know, that anger.
So I got really angry and really sad, and really all of the things all at once. But it's something that, you know, at that time there was, that is what I had to do. Having said that, building up to that point, there were so many pluses, and yeses, learning so much more about energy work, being able to feel that in my own body, using nutrition and everything you [Leah] mentioned tons of acupuncture and herbs and using all of that to great benefit. So all of that's not lost.
Sometimes people come, like my clients come. They're like, “But I still have them.” Yes, and maybe the rest of you has felt that difference. The rest of you is more balanced, like you are able to access different parts of yourself that maybe you didn't know before. There are a number of other things that can be true as well. It's not like one or the other.
So for me, this happened in February of 2020. So right before the pandemic. Yeah. And well, yes, it was crazy timing. Fortunately, I didn't have to be alone in the hospital. I didn't have to be alone during these times. That's a whole other topic we can go into.
Even though I wasn't alone, the grief was huge and I didn't realize it was going to be that huge because there was, I was dating somebody at the time too, and he decided this was all too much for him and he decided to just back away. And so then I was by myself and so had that experience as well.
And during the healing process, my hammock was my best friend, and it was just like being in this hammock. And then I would have, I had friends that were like, I'm going to come visit. My parents came and they were able to be here right away, but then nobody could come. So it was like the first three weeks I had somebody with me, my parents, my mom for a while, or my dad first and his wife, and then my mom.
And then once they left, everyone else's flights were canceled, you know? And so.
Melinda: Oh, gosh, yes.
Marie: So then I'm like, I'm here by myself. And my local friends were amazing and really stepped up and thank goodness, you know, I'd have little soups left on my porch, you know, all kinds of loving, loving interactions. So part of during that hammock time, I realized that whole lifeforce energy was just, like, gone from me.
And it also because I'm a very feeling, like physical and emotional connected person, it was my belly button because the belly button is the umbilicus, you know, that gives life. And mine--Ooh, I feel it now, that to me, and one of the cuts was there, you know, is there for, for the surgery. And so I just felt like a real negative connection to that.
And so, and right after that, I also got an infection there. And, you know, I know now, looking thinking back about it, was that overwhelm. And then me also not being able to get through that grief, you know. So it was like a combination of all these things. So I did a lot of healing around that umbilicus, and what that actually meant to me or means to me, was huge during that time.
Well, I have a history of Native American drumming being, like a part of my like, being. And it was during that time that I was in physical pain because I had had a lot of endometriosis, too. So I was like cauterized through a lot of my abdomen, which was unbelievably painful during the healing. It was described to me by the doctors as, it's worse than giving birth.
All: Wow.
Marie: So for me, that was like even worse because I'm like, I wanted to give birth, you know, and I never got to do that. This is when I get emotional, so.
Melinda: Bring it, girl.
Marie: Like, but I wanted to give birth. I didn't want this, you know, So it was like kind of bringing all of these things together. And so, but I could drum. My arms were fine, so I would drum and find this heartbeat, and different beats, and use the different drums on the parts of my body. So, I mean, at that time I had never heard of sound healing, but I mean, I feel like it was just something that naturally came as part of my healing.
And now I do drum circles once a month, because I want everyone to know like, it's fun it and healing. You know, you can be both and incorporate it all. That is definitely one of the reasons and I attribute drumming to part of my healing, for sure. And that's like the heartbeat of Mother Earth. It's like being currently present here in this moment, and knowing that we are exactly where we need to be, even though we don't want to be there.
All: Yeah, right.
Marie: So that was part of it.
Melinda: Yeah.
Marie: Yeah. Before that, I'll just share one more thing. So leading up to that, the previous 18 months, I led a monthly creative women's circle, and we talked about different topics each month, and we created something around that topic. Usually it was in writing, was either healing something or expressing something, or a joy or whatever.
And so in my house, I happened to have like all these extra like little 8x10 canvases. And one day I just thought, oh, I'm here. I might as well paint something. So what I actually painted, I've burned it since, but was it was all these words that I was feeling: discouraged, pain, all of these. And I got them out onto this canvas, and a few days later I got the canvas out and I put like white around the edges, which was like, “But I can see the light as well coming out.”
So it was like this natural progression. So I wasn't trying to do it. It just kind of started happening. So and during that time I thought, well, I wonder if I could paint something else, and so I ended up painting some paintings, which I never knew I could do, for gifts for people that were helping me during that time.
I love my tribe, my family, my friend family. You know, that was in Wimberley too, and are still, thankfully.
Melinda: Yeah. Yeah.
Marie: So that's part of the creativity part that came in.
Melinda: Yeah. Thank you for sharing that because it's such a beautiful example of, and we've talked about it in the show a number of times, you know, creativity and healing, how we can actually use creative process to heal ourselves. And it's almost like it came spontaneously to you in that way.
Marie: It did. Yeah.
Melinda: Yeah. That's incredible. Thank you. Yes. Yeah.
So I want to make sure we get to Thais. And, you know, I started working with you probably, I don't know, a year and a half, maybe two years ago, I think. It seems like longer. Seems like we've known each other forever. But, and I first started working with you, I had a hip injury, and you were recommended by some mutual friends, and I'd been hearing your name forever. And then I finally came to see you, which was wonderful. And we had you on in Episode 2 in the very beginning of the podcast, so it’s great to have you back, and we talked about creativity and the body and movement.
So, and in our conversations leading up to today, you brought in some really wonderful elements that I think are so important. It's like, how is the body sort-of a sacred vehicle? And I really see it that way. Our body is our temple, our sacred vessel. It's, you know, it's our home, and it is the place of creativity. And so, I'd love to hear just kind of what's on your mind, with respect to this topic and your own journey, and your work with clients.
Thais: Yeah. Yes, I started doing the work without, almost without knowing what I was doing. You know, that kind-of like people are going to realize that I don't know what I'm doing, because I start, I worked in this PT practice and the owner needed--there was a huge demand for pelvic floor work--so she said I needed to start seeing pelvic floor patients. And I was mortified, right? I was like, No, I don't have the training. It's something so special. I don't want to go there.
Melinda: And maybe tell us a little bit what that involves actually.
Thais: So pelvic floor work, you do movement, but you also do internal pelvic examination and then mobilization. You mobilize the soft tissue, the muscles. So it involves internal, inside the pelvis, mostly through the vagina. So I was like, “No, I don't want to go there.” But then she said “I will train you, let's do it.” Like, okay. So I start doing, very uncomfortable, but then I start to see the results. And I was already a physical therapist for a long time; I was already a Feldenkrais practitioner, which is quite powerful in the sense of self and bring people back home.
But that added a completely different layer, because it's almost like women will come back to life, right. There was a recent patient, as she showed me some pictures, it's like “Look how beautiful I look!” And I'm like, “Oh, she doesn't care about, you know, the pelvic floor anymore.” It was about, you know, she was happy with herself.
Marie: Yeah, Mmm Hmm.
Melinda: And maybe feeling at home in her body
Thais: And vibrant in power. So I start to wake up for those words like, oh, they get more powerful. And then we start joking, calling the work, like, let's wake up the goddess.
All: Yeah, totally.
Thais: And so that was all great. I could see that happening. I could, you know, observe, but I was not still part of the work. I was doing it. I was supporting these women. And then I remember, maybe two or three years ago, I went to see this very alternative practitioner, here in Austin. And, you know, he asked me, he's like, “What's going on with your reproductive system?” And I'm like, “Nothing, I don't know. It’s all fine, all good.”
He's like, “Go check, and don't get scared, and come back.” And of course, I was already freaking out, “I’m scared, I’m scared, I’m scared.” [Laughter] And then I was diagnosed with a quite big fibroid, completely silent, no bleeding, no anything. And the doctor was very straightforward, like, it's too big, you need to remove your uterus.
And I'm like, “Why not the fibroid? Why to remove to the whole uterus?” And then she turned to me and said, “You don't want to have more kids, do you?”
[Sighs of response]
Melinda: Like that's the only reason to have a uterus, right? [Laughter]
Marie: It’s such a common question.
Thais: That's right. So I was like, you know, and here I was like, like already a practitioner, with all these tools, sitting in my car and just crying. You feel powerless. And I was like, “Should I do it? Should I not do it?” Maybe, you know, but I'm like, “But what about me?” You know, “What about my work or about my…?”
So I went back to him, and he said, he set this empty chair in front of me. He's like, “Talk to your fibroid.”
And I'm like, oh goodness. [Laughter] “Hi, Fibroid. What are you doing there? What do you have to tell me?” And he looked at me and I'm like, he’s like “Okay, go ahead.” And I'm like, okay, we are doing this. So and then he's--I come from dancing, so the whole love with movement started early on in life with dancing--so I can perform, right?
But then I have to talk to myself: Don't go that route, it’s cheating, you know, Don't go for that, you know? So I was just like, feeling, stupid and like, what am I doing? Why do we pay for this? Why do I come to see him every time?
And then he said, “Do you know what a fibroid is?”
And I'm like an A student: “A fibroid is…”
He's like, “No. You know why, why, why, you grow that?” And I'm like, “No.”
“To make you stronger.” [Sighs of response]
He said, “It's a growth.”
And I'm like, “Oh.” He said fibroid acts like fiber. So it comes strength. And I was like, “Okay.” And he said, “And you have been doing this,” because when I was 19, I had thyroid cancer, another growth.
And then he turned to me and he said, “Is it time to stop trading organs for power and strength.”
Marie: Yeah.
Thais: And then that was completely, then I told, he said, “Tap into your heritage and to your ancestors. I bet you can find a different source of strength.”
Leah: Wow.
Thais: So then that, that changed completely what I was seeing, right? So I was already working with these women and already seen their result. And I'm like, you know, there's no other name for it; it’s sacred.
All: Yeah.
Thais: So, you know, it's is a spiritual, but again right, it’s a PT office, so I feel very shy about going there, but so curious about getting more of that, you know, more of the, and for me, so like you said before, and the resistance.
Melinda: Yeah.
Thais: Is hysterectomy my path? Could be, but I feel resistant, and I think it is because I'm not done with it. I didn’t learn yet what I get to learn. So then, one thing that he said is that it could be related to sexual trauma, with your sexuality. And I’m like, “I have no trauma with my sexuality. What are you talking about?” And then one day hit me and I was like, oh my God, all that I know is abuse. I start to see, you know, because it's the microaggressions in my case. So I come from a very sexist, misogynist culture. In my house. I could see that happening. My brother made comments about women, about women's bodies, the lack of respect.
So it's so important for me to go into other direction, right? To like, yes, you're special, you're sacred, your anatomy is perfect. You know, my brother would go into details about female, and make fun and compare, and I was maybe 14 or 15 at a time. So that was really a hit on my sexuality. That's, you know, seeing a female body be degraded.
Leah: Disempowered.
Thais: Completely. So I was like, my sexuality was developed through those lens.
All: Right.
Thais: Right. So yeah, so this is, for me that's the path. I'm still learning but digging more into this energy, I don't know if energy, but this meaning.
Melinda: Yeah, right.
Thais: The female, like this power. You know, from a powerful, creative, you know, way to make things come through.
Melinda: Yes, yes. And I'm so glad you said that, because, again, bringing it back to creativity and the theme of this podcast, you know, I see creativity as a process of making meaning of our experiences, you know, whether it's through writing or drumming or music, or whatever it might be. It's a way that we can reflect on our experiences.
And I think for me, the way I was able to, because I was so resistant for so many years, and then it just started to get, like worse and worse and worse. It was like, well, how much do you want to suffer, right?
Marie: It’s a choice.
Melinda: But it was a really hard decision. And then, you know, I was reading a lot of books on the topic, having these conversations, which I'm so glad we're having, because I think there's so many women out there that are dealing with these kinds of issues.
And, you know, there's not a lot of helpful resources. There are some, but there should be a lot more. And so hopefully this conversation is helpful to other women. But for me, you know, it was a process. I think I grieved it beforehand.
Marie: Yeah.
Melinda: You know, and I had the luxury of, you know, it being intentional. And I was in control of the timing and all of that kind of stuff. But, you know, I was reading the book, Women's Bodies, Women’s Wisdom, which is so great. And, you know, she talks about that decision, whether or not to have a hysterectomy. And she doesn't necessarily recommend surgery unless it's an extreme situation. And then she talks about how, well, if you decide you are going to go through with it, how do you prepare yourself for that?
You know, and even though both of my parents were physicians, you know, I have some hesitation around the Western medical paradigm, that only looks at symptoms and not the whole person. That's what I love about what each of you do. The healing is so much more holistic, right?
But she recommended doing some meditations and guided visualizations to prepare for surgery where you actually envision, you like you go to a happy place, and then you kind-of envision yourself in the operating room and, you know, the doctors are there, the techs are there, and everyone’s been training their whole lives to do this job. And they take pride in what they do, and they're here to help you.
Leah: So you feel more supported.
Melinda: And it was a question of trust, I think, because I have a lot of fear around going under anesthesia, around having the surgery, you know, the whole process. And it helped me get my mind in a place to not only be able to like, receive the healing, and but then to like, move through the process.
And it was suggested to me by a couple of people, you know, I think yourselves included, and a couple of other people who are quite intuitive, who said, you know, instead of just focusing on what you're losing, what could you be gaining? Maybe this is really dragging you down. Maybe your creativity will actually blossom after this. You'll have more energy, you'll have more space.
And so I am conscious of time, and I want to come back to what I was just saying, kind of like show you where I am now. But I don't know, I think this question of how we make meaning, it's not just physical, it's not just a diagnosis, it's not just a growth. You know, there's this whole mental and emotional and spiritual aspect to all of this.
All: Absolutely. Totally.
Melinda: So I don't know, anything kind-of to share on that?
Thais: I think working with you, what I notice that there was a moment that you knew. I don't know how you got there, but I think it’s important. I don't know how other women, I don't know how I will get there. But it was quite obvious that there was a moment that you were just, it sounds like you closed that, that and you knew.
Melinda: Yeah. And I think it was precisely through those conversations and seeing people who had been through it and were and were well, and good.
Marie: I remember you even, you know, I showed you my scars and I know, even the look on your face at that moment because they felt so huge at the time. And they're like these little things, you know. And so I remember even that moment and the look on your face like, oh, okay, at least now I can visually see that. And now you see also that I have full life force energy and have had that experience.
Melinda: Exactly, you know, and I will say just, you know, for anyone who might be contemplating this, the surgery itself has come such a long way. Both my mother and stepmother had hysterectomies, and they cut you open, and it was a huge process. And you were bed-ridden for weeks. And now they do it, often, if they can: we both had laparoscopic, you know, so much smaller incisions. And ideally a much quicker healing time. So it's really incredible what they to do.
Marie: Yeah, yes. And I think that helps the emotional and spiritual healing part of it, because we are able to see that process physically. And notice that physical energy coming back into our body, where I personally was like I could only work three weeks out of four beforehand, you know. And so I was just really sluggish and drained. And so then you are able to feel that come back into your body.
I mean, not without, you know, I still was doing many things, walking around my house with acupuncture needles in, doing all kinds of things, you know, to support myself as much as I could.
Leah: But yeah, I think that's something that sticks out to me, too, is just talking about your life force energy and that. Yeah, every I think yeah, I kind of recall your getting more light to your face with this idea that, what if I can surrender to this? This is a part of my path, or letting go of this? How can that open this new energy, this new creative force?
Melinda: Yeah,
Leah: A new connection to myself of a new vitality, almost.
All: Yeah.
Leah: And I feel like that, really, I saw that shift happen.
Melinda: Yeah, I know. It was. It was really amazing. And again, I'm grateful to each of you and to all of the medical practitioners that I've interacted with. You know, the surgeon who did my surgery. It was amazing. Doctor Halle at the Austin Women's Hospital / Austin-Area OB/GYN. I have to give her props, like, she was amazing. All women, the anesthesiologist was a woman, and they, and no, it was just great. So, yeah. So I mean, we can talk about this for so many hours, and maybe we'll have to do a follow up episode at some point.
But I do just want to share kind of where I've ended up with this, which is: I am now seven weeks out from surgery. I have my energy back. I am working on three new songs. I have lots of ideas for the podcast, and things to try out, and people to talk to. And my creativity is flowing, you know, and, and it was suggested to me that that was a real possibility.
In fact, one healer I spoke with said, you know, “Take everything that you are ready to let go of” (on that topic of letting go) “and like put it into your uterus and let the doctors take it away.” And there's going to be a huge shift here. And I can feel it. And I think you all described witnessing that.
Leah? That makes me think about that question, though, like kind of coming full circle. It's like, isn't it about having the power, right? The power to be like, this is my choice. I am surrendering. I am letting go. And yeah, how that can just support you spiritually to get through.
Melinda: Absolutely.
Leah: As opposed to like someone else making the choice for you or just kind-of...
Melinda: For sure. Yeah.
Leah: I feel like that is, that's being empowered as a woman.
Melinda: Yeah. And even if we don't necessarily have a choice, you [Marie] found a way to connect to your creativity.
Marie: Yeah.
Melinda: In your own healing process. So we all have our own journey. But yeah, I think that, that sense of empowerment and like, you know, in interacting with medical professionals, like we don't have to be passive. I have a very dear friend who's working with pancreatic cancer. And what she has really inspired for me is that you have to advocate for yourself. And just don't take what one doctor tells you. Get a second opinion, do your research, ask around, be informed. You have to kind of take control of our own healing.
Marie: Yes. And that is also, they know what they know. You know, and we also have this tribe now that you're creating. So yes. Use that and the other support tools. Yeah. Even you know when you [Leah] talked about like being with your family and all the women like being together. Like that's amazing. You know, with people like, you know, we all came from some kind of tribe somewhere. And during those times, I think these conversations are you saw your family or your people or your tribe going through all the stages of life, you know, And we don’t have that now. We all move all over and we have to create that.
Melinda: Absolutely. Yeah. So, I think that's a beautiful kind of note to end on. And, you know, Charlotte, my Syncreate business partner, and I are working on a book on creating in community, and just recognizing the communities that we all have, and how do we create community, and support and sustain each other.
Leah: Yes. And healing conversation.
Melinda: Yes. Yeah, it helps just to talk about it.
All: Yeah, it does.
Melinda: It’s so cathartic, right. Like let's have the conversation.
Leah: Or yeah, I'm not alone. We're in this together.
All: Yeah, always.
Melinda: Absolutely. So thank you all so much.
All: Thank you!
Melinda: I'm so happy this came together.
So at the end of each episode, I usually give a creativity pro tip. And what's coming to mind today is, you know, really inviting each of us to contemplate where our creativity lives in our bodies, you know, whether we consider ourselves to be an artist or a creative, or whether we're just now learning that we all have creativity and we use it every single day. So, you know, how do we relate, you know, physically and spiritually to our creativity? So I invite you to kind of contemplate that and see what arises for you.
So at Syncreate, we're here to support your creative endeavors. So if you have an idea for a project or an entrepreneurial venture and you're interested in our help, please reach out for 1x1 coaching or join our Syncreate Six-Month Coaching Group in 2024, where we'll be taking people through the creative process from start to finish, using our model of play, plan and produce from our Syncreate book.
And just want to say thank you again to our lovely guests today, Leah Shadwick, Marie Commisso and Thais Bicalho Silva. So happy to have you all here. And we are recording today at Record ATX Studios in Austin.
All: Yay! Thank you for the conversation, beautiful.
And just before we get started today, I wanted to let you all know that we are on Patreon, so if you're enjoying the show and you want to help us grow and support the effort, this is kind of my personal gift to the world. We don't run commercials or anything like that. So if you'd like to support us, find us on Patreon.
So today what we're doing is a little bit different than anything we've done before on the show. We have three wonderful guests today, whom I'll introduce in just a moment. And you know, this episode is much more personal to me. I'm going to talk a lot more about my personal journey related to one aspect of my own creativity and how each of you have so amazingly supported me in this journey.
So to kind of just give you some context here: So creativity is what I live and breathe, it's what I'm all about. And for years I struggled with a condition called Adenomyosis, which is a gynecological condition that affects your uterus and makes it enlarged. I had several fibroids, painful periods most of my life, a lot of discomfort, and it was suggested to me some years ago that the only cure for this condition was a hysterectomy.
And, you know, I was very hesitant to do surgery for several reasons. Just number one, bodily integrity. You know, I felt like I wanted to keep myself intact, on a physical level. But also, you know, I'm a big believer in sort-of the energy of creativity, how creativity lives in our body, how it's connected to our life force energy, our sexuality. In the chakra system, the second chakra, that pelvic space is connected to our creativity.
So my biggest fear, which wasn't a rational fear, but it was a visceral fear, like I could feel it in my body, was that if I lost my womb, I would lose my creativity. And I remember many tears, probably with each of you, about that. So what I discovered along the way, in talking with each of you, and a number of other women, is that the more I started to share my story, the more I started to hear all these other people's stories and their struggles and their experiences: “Oh, I had to do that” and “Oh Yeah, that happened to me.” And you know, each story is unique, but there's such a commonality.
And then I started to think, why is this a taboo topic? We’re in the 21st century, you know, why don't we have these conversations more? And so I thought, let's have the conversation here.
So briefly to introduce each of you: Across from me, we have Marie Commisso, massage therapist and healer extraordinaire, originally from upstate New York, now living in the Austin area, in Wimberley, Texas. And definitely want to hear more of your journey as we go on today.
Marie: Absolutely.
Melinda: Yes. And then next to Marie, we have Leah Shadwick. She's an acupuncturist, practicing alchemical acupuncture and transformative healing, originally from New York City. And you came here to Austin to study acupuncture at the Academy of Oriental Medicine. And you've been here ever since.
Leah: I was gonna say, never left. Yeah, yeah.
Melinda: Yeah, yeah. So and then we have Thais Bicalho Silva, a physical therapist and Feldenkrais practitioner. You're originally from Brazil and now in Austin for a number of years. So I consider you all part of my core healing and wellness team.
[Murmurs]
Marie: Thank you.
Melinda: You know, I’ve been working with each of you for a while now and particularly, you know, once I made the decision to go ahead and have this surgery, you all have been incredibly helpful and supportive to me in sharing your own experiences, and your wisdom, in working with clients and patients. And it's just been really such a blessing to me to have each of you.
So I want to hear a little bit more about each of your relationship to this topic around creativity, women's health, the body, the sacred feminine, sexuality, you know, all of these things, which I think are really interconnected. So I want to start with Leah, because I've known you the longest and I've been working with the longest and just, you know, tell us a little bit more about, you know, your connection to this topic.
Leah: Well, I think my connection to this topic is just my own personal ,very long journey of hormonal rollercoaster, ever since I can remember. I feel like growing up, I just don't ever remember having a great period or cycle or even a relationship to my cycle. And even in my twenties, like painful periods and bad PMS. And then, you know, when I tried to have my son and through my fertility, I found out through one of my teachers, who was an acupuncturist and Chinese medical practitioner, through basal body temperature, that I had these fibroids.
And I was like, how come a gynecologist never told me about these fibroids? I mean, I had the symptoms: I had painful periods, I had PMS, I had heavy bleeding, like bleeding through my pants, you know, and yeah, when once I discovered that, I kind of started this journey for me about like, how am I going to heal these fibroids so that I could birth my son?
And I did acupuncture and herbs and nutrition, and lots of acupuncture, and healing, and talk therapy. I mean, all the healing modalities. And it took me about a year and I finally did get pregnant with him. And I actually, in the midst of that experience, had a very spiritual experience because it was hard for me to get pregnant. It took about a year and I was like, I have all these tools. How come I can't get pregnant? I don't understand what's happening? And I remember going to a fertility doctor and she was like, oh these fibroids, like, you're not going to be able to get pregnant.
And within my family, my greatest aunt is, she's a healer. But she didn't actually, like practice healing, just within her spirituality in Puerto Rico. And she was just known within her community for doing healing with hands. And my mom was saying, she was like, “I think we have to go visit you aunt in Florida, and let's just go see her.” She was like, she must've been like 99, if not over 100, link in this nursing home, not talking. You know, she couldn't really talk.
So we gathered there with my family and like, talk about community. We gathered there. We all held hands. She put her hands on my belly. She like, prayed to herself. And I got pregnant right after that.
Melinda: That is incredible.
Marie? Yeah. So real. [Murmurs]
Leah: Yeah. It was a really incredible experience. And I think just even being there with my family, and community, and belief, and support ,when so many people are like, well, these fibroids are in the way, you know, like you're not going to be, you know, it's not going to happen.
And I'm trying to be brief, but, you know, fast forward, the fibroids grew with my pregnancy and they were in the way. And I had to have a scheduled C-section and that recovery was not fun. And I honestly was like, I don't know if I could have another one after that experience.
But, you know, they kind of calmed down and now they've come back as I'm more in this perimenopausal time. And you know, I think I feel a little fatigued by it because I'm like, I can't believe I have to go through this process again.
But it is making me think about like, perimenopausally. Like what am I trying to birth next? In my own creativity. What is trying to come through? What am I blocking? How is that related to my feelings, my emotions, my spirituality, who I am and what I need to be in this kind of next phase of my life.
Melinda: Yeah, it's beautiful. And I know there's so much more with your healing work, with your, you know, clients and patients, and hopefully we'll get to hear a little bit more about that as well.
Leah: Yeah, it's beautiful being able to work with women and see them on their healing journey and it's amazing, even working with women's health, it's like once you start to dive in, everyone has a story or a trauma or an experience linked to their reproductive system.
Melinda: Yeah. So I want to move next to Marie - you and I connected a few years ago through a mutual friend and just really hit it off. And I started coming to see you for massage and energy work. And you really helped me through a major transition time in my life a couple years ago.
And we've just become great friends. And so, you know, one of the things that really sticks out to me when I was contemplating the surgery, that you had been through it, and so you were really able to help me kind of see what the process might be like. And your story is a bit different from mine.
Marie: Yeah.
Melinda: I'd love to hear, you know, what you want to share about that, but it was really helpful, you know, to me to have somebody so close who had gone through it and is now thriving and doing wonderfully well.
Marie: Thank you. It is a process and everyone's different.
Melinda: It’s not easy. Yeah. So what do you what's your connection here?
Marie: Yeah, it's hard to know where to start because there's so many layers to it. Because there's the physical portion, the emotional portion, and then the spiritual connection to all of it. And I could relate to so many things that you're saying [Leah]. So even already it feels healing to be here. Yes. Because, you know, I've physically healed, but there are definitely still elements that aren't, you know, completely healed. So yeah, thank you.
And of part of the whole journey for me was I ended up having to have an emergency hysterectomy. I had fibroids in my uterus, three of them. One, the legs ended up growing into the artery. And I essentially was bleeding out, and in and everywhere, and so I was emotionally taken to the hospital and the next day. So we were trying to control it as much as possible. But the next day, and first thing in the morning, I ended up having a hysterectomy.
And at that time or by that time, I had been trying all the things, all the acupuncture, all the herbs, all the everything. I had been married before and I was trying to get pregnant and that was not in the cards for me. And then I got really angry during this time too, because I was like, “Oh, uterus, the only thing you're making is fibroids, ugh!” And so and that's part of the grief process, you know, that anger.
So I got really angry and really sad, and really all of the things all at once. But it's something that, you know, at that time there was, that is what I had to do. Having said that, building up to that point, there were so many pluses, and yeses, learning so much more about energy work, being able to feel that in my own body, using nutrition and everything you [Leah] mentioned tons of acupuncture and herbs and using all of that to great benefit. So all of that's not lost.
Sometimes people come, like my clients come. They're like, “But I still have them.” Yes, and maybe the rest of you has felt that difference. The rest of you is more balanced, like you are able to access different parts of yourself that maybe you didn't know before. There are a number of other things that can be true as well. It's not like one or the other.
So for me, this happened in February of 2020. So right before the pandemic. Yeah. And well, yes, it was crazy timing. Fortunately, I didn't have to be alone in the hospital. I didn't have to be alone during these times. That's a whole other topic we can go into.
Even though I wasn't alone, the grief was huge and I didn't realize it was going to be that huge because there was, I was dating somebody at the time too, and he decided this was all too much for him and he decided to just back away. And so then I was by myself and so had that experience as well.
And during the healing process, my hammock was my best friend, and it was just like being in this hammock. And then I would have, I had friends that were like, I'm going to come visit. My parents came and they were able to be here right away, but then nobody could come. So it was like the first three weeks I had somebody with me, my parents, my mom for a while, or my dad first and his wife, and then my mom.
And then once they left, everyone else's flights were canceled, you know? And so.
Melinda: Oh, gosh, yes.
Marie: So then I'm like, I'm here by myself. And my local friends were amazing and really stepped up and thank goodness, you know, I'd have little soups left on my porch, you know, all kinds of loving, loving interactions. So part of during that hammock time, I realized that whole lifeforce energy was just, like, gone from me.
And it also because I'm a very feeling, like physical and emotional connected person, it was my belly button because the belly button is the umbilicus, you know, that gives life. And mine--Ooh, I feel it now, that to me, and one of the cuts was there, you know, is there for, for the surgery. And so I just felt like a real negative connection to that.
And so, and right after that, I also got an infection there. And, you know, I know now, looking thinking back about it, was that overwhelm. And then me also not being able to get through that grief, you know. So it was like a combination of all these things. So I did a lot of healing around that umbilicus, and what that actually meant to me or means to me, was huge during that time.
Well, I have a history of Native American drumming being, like a part of my like, being. And it was during that time that I was in physical pain because I had had a lot of endometriosis, too. So I was like cauterized through a lot of my abdomen, which was unbelievably painful during the healing. It was described to me by the doctors as, it's worse than giving birth.
All: Wow.
Marie: So for me, that was like even worse because I'm like, I wanted to give birth, you know, and I never got to do that. This is when I get emotional, so.
Melinda: Bring it, girl.
Marie: Like, but I wanted to give birth. I didn't want this, you know, So it was like kind of bringing all of these things together. And so, but I could drum. My arms were fine, so I would drum and find this heartbeat, and different beats, and use the different drums on the parts of my body. So, I mean, at that time I had never heard of sound healing, but I mean, I feel like it was just something that naturally came as part of my healing.
And now I do drum circles once a month, because I want everyone to know like, it's fun it and healing. You know, you can be both and incorporate it all. That is definitely one of the reasons and I attribute drumming to part of my healing, for sure. And that's like the heartbeat of Mother Earth. It's like being currently present here in this moment, and knowing that we are exactly where we need to be, even though we don't want to be there.
All: Yeah, right.
Marie: So that was part of it.
Melinda: Yeah.
Marie: Yeah. Before that, I'll just share one more thing. So leading up to that, the previous 18 months, I led a monthly creative women's circle, and we talked about different topics each month, and we created something around that topic. Usually it was in writing, was either healing something or expressing something, or a joy or whatever.
And so in my house, I happened to have like all these extra like little 8x10 canvases. And one day I just thought, oh, I'm here. I might as well paint something. So what I actually painted, I've burned it since, but was it was all these words that I was feeling: discouraged, pain, all of these. And I got them out onto this canvas, and a few days later I got the canvas out and I put like white around the edges, which was like, “But I can see the light as well coming out.”
So it was like this natural progression. So I wasn't trying to do it. It just kind of started happening. So and during that time I thought, well, I wonder if I could paint something else, and so I ended up painting some paintings, which I never knew I could do, for gifts for people that were helping me during that time.
I love my tribe, my family, my friend family. You know, that was in Wimberley too, and are still, thankfully.
Melinda: Yeah. Yeah.
Marie: So that's part of the creativity part that came in.
Melinda: Yeah. Thank you for sharing that because it's such a beautiful example of, and we've talked about it in the show a number of times, you know, creativity and healing, how we can actually use creative process to heal ourselves. And it's almost like it came spontaneously to you in that way.
Marie: It did. Yeah.
Melinda: Yeah. That's incredible. Thank you. Yes. Yeah.
So I want to make sure we get to Thais. And, you know, I started working with you probably, I don't know, a year and a half, maybe two years ago, I think. It seems like longer. Seems like we've known each other forever. But, and I first started working with you, I had a hip injury, and you were recommended by some mutual friends, and I'd been hearing your name forever. And then I finally came to see you, which was wonderful. And we had you on in Episode 2 in the very beginning of the podcast, so it’s great to have you back, and we talked about creativity and the body and movement.
So, and in our conversations leading up to today, you brought in some really wonderful elements that I think are so important. It's like, how is the body sort-of a sacred vehicle? And I really see it that way. Our body is our temple, our sacred vessel. It's, you know, it's our home, and it is the place of creativity. And so, I'd love to hear just kind of what's on your mind, with respect to this topic and your own journey, and your work with clients.
Thais: Yeah. Yes, I started doing the work without, almost without knowing what I was doing. You know, that kind-of like people are going to realize that I don't know what I'm doing, because I start, I worked in this PT practice and the owner needed--there was a huge demand for pelvic floor work--so she said I needed to start seeing pelvic floor patients. And I was mortified, right? I was like, No, I don't have the training. It's something so special. I don't want to go there.
Melinda: And maybe tell us a little bit what that involves actually.
Thais: So pelvic floor work, you do movement, but you also do internal pelvic examination and then mobilization. You mobilize the soft tissue, the muscles. So it involves internal, inside the pelvis, mostly through the vagina. So I was like, “No, I don't want to go there.” But then she said “I will train you, let's do it.” Like, okay. So I start doing, very uncomfortable, but then I start to see the results. And I was already a physical therapist for a long time; I was already a Feldenkrais practitioner, which is quite powerful in the sense of self and bring people back home.
But that added a completely different layer, because it's almost like women will come back to life, right. There was a recent patient, as she showed me some pictures, it's like “Look how beautiful I look!” And I'm like, “Oh, she doesn't care about, you know, the pelvic floor anymore.” It was about, you know, she was happy with herself.
Marie: Yeah, Mmm Hmm.
Melinda: And maybe feeling at home in her body
Thais: And vibrant in power. So I start to wake up for those words like, oh, they get more powerful. And then we start joking, calling the work, like, let's wake up the goddess.
All: Yeah, totally.
Thais: And so that was all great. I could see that happening. I could, you know, observe, but I was not still part of the work. I was doing it. I was supporting these women. And then I remember, maybe two or three years ago, I went to see this very alternative practitioner, here in Austin. And, you know, he asked me, he's like, “What's going on with your reproductive system?” And I'm like, “Nothing, I don't know. It’s all fine, all good.”
He's like, “Go check, and don't get scared, and come back.” And of course, I was already freaking out, “I’m scared, I’m scared, I’m scared.” [Laughter] And then I was diagnosed with a quite big fibroid, completely silent, no bleeding, no anything. And the doctor was very straightforward, like, it's too big, you need to remove your uterus.
And I'm like, “Why not the fibroid? Why to remove to the whole uterus?” And then she turned to me and said, “You don't want to have more kids, do you?”
[Sighs of response]
Melinda: Like that's the only reason to have a uterus, right? [Laughter]
Marie: It’s such a common question.
Thais: That's right. So I was like, you know, and here I was like, like already a practitioner, with all these tools, sitting in my car and just crying. You feel powerless. And I was like, “Should I do it? Should I not do it?” Maybe, you know, but I'm like, “But what about me?” You know, “What about my work or about my…?”
So I went back to him, and he said, he set this empty chair in front of me. He's like, “Talk to your fibroid.”
And I'm like, oh goodness. [Laughter] “Hi, Fibroid. What are you doing there? What do you have to tell me?” And he looked at me and I'm like, he’s like “Okay, go ahead.” And I'm like, okay, we are doing this. So and then he's--I come from dancing, so the whole love with movement started early on in life with dancing--so I can perform, right?
But then I have to talk to myself: Don't go that route, it’s cheating, you know, Don't go for that, you know? So I was just like, feeling, stupid and like, what am I doing? Why do we pay for this? Why do I come to see him every time?
And then he said, “Do you know what a fibroid is?”
And I'm like an A student: “A fibroid is…”
He's like, “No. You know why, why, why, you grow that?” And I'm like, “No.”
“To make you stronger.” [Sighs of response]
He said, “It's a growth.”
And I'm like, “Oh.” He said fibroid acts like fiber. So it comes strength. And I was like, “Okay.” And he said, “And you have been doing this,” because when I was 19, I had thyroid cancer, another growth.
And then he turned to me and he said, “Is it time to stop trading organs for power and strength.”
Marie: Yeah.
Thais: And then that was completely, then I told, he said, “Tap into your heritage and to your ancestors. I bet you can find a different source of strength.”
Leah: Wow.
Thais: So then that, that changed completely what I was seeing, right? So I was already working with these women and already seen their result. And I'm like, you know, there's no other name for it; it’s sacred.
All: Yeah.
Thais: So, you know, it's is a spiritual, but again right, it’s a PT office, so I feel very shy about going there, but so curious about getting more of that, you know, more of the, and for me, so like you said before, and the resistance.
Melinda: Yeah.
Thais: Is hysterectomy my path? Could be, but I feel resistant, and I think it is because I'm not done with it. I didn’t learn yet what I get to learn. So then, one thing that he said is that it could be related to sexual trauma, with your sexuality. And I’m like, “I have no trauma with my sexuality. What are you talking about?” And then one day hit me and I was like, oh my God, all that I know is abuse. I start to see, you know, because it's the microaggressions in my case. So I come from a very sexist, misogynist culture. In my house. I could see that happening. My brother made comments about women, about women's bodies, the lack of respect.
So it's so important for me to go into other direction, right? To like, yes, you're special, you're sacred, your anatomy is perfect. You know, my brother would go into details about female, and make fun and compare, and I was maybe 14 or 15 at a time. So that was really a hit on my sexuality. That's, you know, seeing a female body be degraded.
Leah: Disempowered.
Thais: Completely. So I was like, my sexuality was developed through those lens.
All: Right.
Thais: Right. So yeah, so this is, for me that's the path. I'm still learning but digging more into this energy, I don't know if energy, but this meaning.
Melinda: Yeah, right.
Thais: The female, like this power. You know, from a powerful, creative, you know, way to make things come through.
Melinda: Yes, yes. And I'm so glad you said that, because, again, bringing it back to creativity and the theme of this podcast, you know, I see creativity as a process of making meaning of our experiences, you know, whether it's through writing or drumming or music, or whatever it might be. It's a way that we can reflect on our experiences.
And I think for me, the way I was able to, because I was so resistant for so many years, and then it just started to get, like worse and worse and worse. It was like, well, how much do you want to suffer, right?
Marie: It’s a choice.
Melinda: But it was a really hard decision. And then, you know, I was reading a lot of books on the topic, having these conversations, which I'm so glad we're having, because I think there's so many women out there that are dealing with these kinds of issues.
And, you know, there's not a lot of helpful resources. There are some, but there should be a lot more. And so hopefully this conversation is helpful to other women. But for me, you know, it was a process. I think I grieved it beforehand.
Marie: Yeah.
Melinda: You know, and I had the luxury of, you know, it being intentional. And I was in control of the timing and all of that kind of stuff. But, you know, I was reading the book, Women's Bodies, Women’s Wisdom, which is so great. And, you know, she talks about that decision, whether or not to have a hysterectomy. And she doesn't necessarily recommend surgery unless it's an extreme situation. And then she talks about how, well, if you decide you are going to go through with it, how do you prepare yourself for that?
You know, and even though both of my parents were physicians, you know, I have some hesitation around the Western medical paradigm, that only looks at symptoms and not the whole person. That's what I love about what each of you do. The healing is so much more holistic, right?
But she recommended doing some meditations and guided visualizations to prepare for surgery where you actually envision, you like you go to a happy place, and then you kind-of envision yourself in the operating room and, you know, the doctors are there, the techs are there, and everyone’s been training their whole lives to do this job. And they take pride in what they do, and they're here to help you.
Leah: So you feel more supported.
Melinda: And it was a question of trust, I think, because I have a lot of fear around going under anesthesia, around having the surgery, you know, the whole process. And it helped me get my mind in a place to not only be able to like, receive the healing, and but then to like, move through the process.
And it was suggested to me by a couple of people, you know, I think yourselves included, and a couple of other people who are quite intuitive, who said, you know, instead of just focusing on what you're losing, what could you be gaining? Maybe this is really dragging you down. Maybe your creativity will actually blossom after this. You'll have more energy, you'll have more space.
And so I am conscious of time, and I want to come back to what I was just saying, kind of like show you where I am now. But I don't know, I think this question of how we make meaning, it's not just physical, it's not just a diagnosis, it's not just a growth. You know, there's this whole mental and emotional and spiritual aspect to all of this.
All: Absolutely. Totally.
Melinda: So I don't know, anything kind-of to share on that?
Thais: I think working with you, what I notice that there was a moment that you knew. I don't know how you got there, but I think it’s important. I don't know how other women, I don't know how I will get there. But it was quite obvious that there was a moment that you were just, it sounds like you closed that, that and you knew.
Melinda: Yeah. And I think it was precisely through those conversations and seeing people who had been through it and were and were well, and good.
Marie: I remember you even, you know, I showed you my scars and I know, even the look on your face at that moment because they felt so huge at the time. And they're like these little things, you know. And so I remember even that moment and the look on your face like, oh, okay, at least now I can visually see that. And now you see also that I have full life force energy and have had that experience.
Melinda: Exactly, you know, and I will say just, you know, for anyone who might be contemplating this, the surgery itself has come such a long way. Both my mother and stepmother had hysterectomies, and they cut you open, and it was a huge process. And you were bed-ridden for weeks. And now they do it, often, if they can: we both had laparoscopic, you know, so much smaller incisions. And ideally a much quicker healing time. So it's really incredible what they to do.
Marie: Yeah, yes. And I think that helps the emotional and spiritual healing part of it, because we are able to see that process physically. And notice that physical energy coming back into our body, where I personally was like I could only work three weeks out of four beforehand, you know. And so I was just really sluggish and drained. And so then you are able to feel that come back into your body.
I mean, not without, you know, I still was doing many things, walking around my house with acupuncture needles in, doing all kinds of things, you know, to support myself as much as I could.
Leah: But yeah, I think that's something that sticks out to me, too, is just talking about your life force energy and that. Yeah, every I think yeah, I kind of recall your getting more light to your face with this idea that, what if I can surrender to this? This is a part of my path, or letting go of this? How can that open this new energy, this new creative force?
Melinda: Yeah,
Leah: A new connection to myself of a new vitality, almost.
All: Yeah.
Leah: And I feel like that, really, I saw that shift happen.
Melinda: Yeah, I know. It was. It was really amazing. And again, I'm grateful to each of you and to all of the medical practitioners that I've interacted with. You know, the surgeon who did my surgery. It was amazing. Doctor Halle at the Austin Women's Hospital / Austin-Area OB/GYN. I have to give her props, like, she was amazing. All women, the anesthesiologist was a woman, and they, and no, it was just great. So, yeah. So I mean, we can talk about this for so many hours, and maybe we'll have to do a follow up episode at some point.
But I do just want to share kind of where I've ended up with this, which is: I am now seven weeks out from surgery. I have my energy back. I am working on three new songs. I have lots of ideas for the podcast, and things to try out, and people to talk to. And my creativity is flowing, you know, and, and it was suggested to me that that was a real possibility.
In fact, one healer I spoke with said, you know, “Take everything that you are ready to let go of” (on that topic of letting go) “and like put it into your uterus and let the doctors take it away.” And there's going to be a huge shift here. And I can feel it. And I think you all described witnessing that.
Leah? That makes me think about that question, though, like kind of coming full circle. It's like, isn't it about having the power, right? The power to be like, this is my choice. I am surrendering. I am letting go. And yeah, how that can just support you spiritually to get through.
Melinda: Absolutely.
Leah: As opposed to like someone else making the choice for you or just kind-of...
Melinda: For sure. Yeah.
Leah: I feel like that is, that's being empowered as a woman.
Melinda: Yeah. And even if we don't necessarily have a choice, you [Marie] found a way to connect to your creativity.
Marie: Yeah.
Melinda: In your own healing process. So we all have our own journey. But yeah, I think that, that sense of empowerment and like, you know, in interacting with medical professionals, like we don't have to be passive. I have a very dear friend who's working with pancreatic cancer. And what she has really inspired for me is that you have to advocate for yourself. And just don't take what one doctor tells you. Get a second opinion, do your research, ask around, be informed. You have to kind of take control of our own healing.
Marie: Yes. And that is also, they know what they know. You know, and we also have this tribe now that you're creating. So yes. Use that and the other support tools. Yeah. Even you know when you [Leah] talked about like being with your family and all the women like being together. Like that's amazing. You know, with people like, you know, we all came from some kind of tribe somewhere. And during those times, I think these conversations are you saw your family or your people or your tribe going through all the stages of life, you know, And we don’t have that now. We all move all over and we have to create that.
Melinda: Absolutely. Yeah. So, I think that's a beautiful kind of note to end on. And, you know, Charlotte, my Syncreate business partner, and I are working on a book on creating in community, and just recognizing the communities that we all have, and how do we create community, and support and sustain each other.
Leah: Yes. And healing conversation.
Melinda: Yes. Yeah, it helps just to talk about it.
All: Yeah, it does.
Melinda: It’s so cathartic, right. Like let's have the conversation.
Leah: Or yeah, I'm not alone. We're in this together.
All: Yeah, always.
Melinda: Absolutely. So thank you all so much.
All: Thank you!
Melinda: I'm so happy this came together.
So at the end of each episode, I usually give a creativity pro tip. And what's coming to mind today is, you know, really inviting each of us to contemplate where our creativity lives in our bodies, you know, whether we consider ourselves to be an artist or a creative, or whether we're just now learning that we all have creativity and we use it every single day. So, you know, how do we relate, you know, physically and spiritually to our creativity? So I invite you to kind of contemplate that and see what arises for you.
So at Syncreate, we're here to support your creative endeavors. So if you have an idea for a project or an entrepreneurial venture and you're interested in our help, please reach out for 1x1 coaching or join our Syncreate Six-Month Coaching Group in 2024, where we'll be taking people through the creative process from start to finish, using our model of play, plan and produce from our Syncreate book.
And just want to say thank you again to our lovely guests today, Leah Shadwick, Marie Commisso and Thais Bicalho Silva. So happy to have you all here. And we are recording today at Record ATX Studios in Austin.
All: Yay! Thank you for the conversation, beautiful.
